Vaaramalar - A cabaret analysis

Rating: PG 18.

The above rating means parental guidance required only for people above 18. Below 18 are the ones who view more adult content than most of the adults, anyway.

Now that I have given an inviting and attractive title and some prelude, I am sure the random reader will definitely read this post.

I have been reading 'Vaaramalar' from early 90s. It is the supplement that comes with 'Dinamalar' on Sundays. Having been a 'vaasakar' for 20 years, I feel I am over-qualified to strip it down for an analysis. A standard stereotype vaaramalar will have the following features:

1. Page 1 - Facer: This will have a photo of a revealing lady - she will be revealing something or the other. Experienced vasakars will definitely note it. It will also have some interesting, catchy tag lines for some of the articles inside, if not, it will have the standard 'vaasakargaluku engal puthandu/deepavali/pongal/some-crap-day vaazhthukkal' stuff.

2. Page 2 - Nyaanaanandam: A person called Vairam Rajagopal writes this aanmigam stuff. This is just like a 'Sree Thenandal Films' with a rotating photo/vigraham of some amman before a bit movie. Sometimes, this page accidentally carries some really nice articles.

3. Archchanai: This is the letters to the editor column. Imaginary letters calling the editor by names (yov poruppu, poda paruppu etc) will be published in this column. I can't think of how many in TN will really take pains to write a letter to just praise some article that came in this magazine!

4. Idhu Ungal Idam: Purported to be a social awareness mini-blog where people share their incidents like losing chappal in a kalyana mandapam et al.

5. Andhumani Pa Ke Pa: This is one of the blog-type articles that Varamalar had since time immemorial. It follows a rigid format:

a. Photo of Andhumani (The editor, Ramesh) and Lens Mama with faces masked attending a wedding or some U. Paa party at some government officer/police officer/thozhiladhibar's house/farm/bunglow
b. Letter of some iththu pona lady (mostly invented) giving matter details
c. Matter surveys
d. How men torture women at work with detailed narrations
e. Andhumani, the office boy who comes to office in a bicycle, travelling to all around the world and his travel diaries
f. A standard 'engo edhilo epoodho' padithadhu in Pa column.

For those who want to know who that Andhumani is, you can refer here:
http://viewsreviews.wordpress.com/2007/07/15/andhumani-in-abusive-sms-scam/

Or just type 'andhumani ramesh' in Google Images.

6. Andhumani Badhilgal - the Q&A session. This is where he will portray himself as an honest middle-class man and answer questions, sitting in the sky.

7. Thinnai - by Nadutheru Narayanan: Some old anecdotes tracing back to usually Rajaji or NS Krishnan's times. Sometimes, you get to read a lot of interesting ones here.

8. This is the climax (I am using this word as opposed to the usual PG18 'o' word) - by the time you get over 1 to 7 above, you will reach the centre page!! :) this usually has bit pictures of many existing / upcoming actresses in many compromising poses. This section begins with a 'idha padinga mudhalla' - a section that has the hottest talk of the town, with a lot of masala news items as accompaniment. 'Karuppu poonai' is the kisu kisu section the news items of which, are a definite news in the near future. Usually these articles will have a pazhamozhi as the punch line. Contributors are cinema ponnaiah (si. po) and elisa.

9. A droll 'thodar kadhai' is a must.

10. Two short stories that are picked up from the TVR Memorial competition will appear. There will be no panjam for stories because the competition will happen every year and the stock will be replenished annually.

11. Kavidhai Cholai - This will have any of the two: Love (maaney, theney, korangey, poonaiyey etc) and Self-development (hey you(th)! arise awake and run - kadangaran is following you!!).

12. Anbudan andharangam - the agony aunt column where an imaginary anbu magan or anbu magal will share his/her sad story. That dope would have committed all sorts of adultery, bigamy, kalla kadhal, illegal activities, immoral stuff and expect a moral answer / solution from Sakunthala Gopinath. This lady usually bitches the other and asks to typically forgive and forget old things, get along with normal/regular wife, sorry life.

13. Finally - the dumb crossword puzzle with easiest clues that even a 2nd standard child will not attempt to do.

Some interesting tit-bits on happenings around the world will be fillers.

This is the routine that happens every Sunday in Vaaramalar! Now, let the dress be worn.