Technical Interpretations of Iyengar Matrimonials

Please do not continue if you get offended in me not being politically correct or sounding racist. Post is intended for humour. Run away if your humour quotient is 'meh' type.

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Here is my inference of some of the technical terms used in the Matrimonial columns of Narasimha Priya and Ranganatha Paduka type publications:

Related to Grooms:

Fair - He was white during childhood. But became dark by playing cricket in the ground and roaming in the streets with friends in motorbike.

Very handsome - White. Does not require Fair n lovely during wedding morning.

Athletic - Goes/ Went to gym as of now. Will not likely continue after wedding and hence end up with thoppai in 3 months.

Wheatish - Less than white. Not dark.

Ph. D - Doctorate stuff. Mandai. Your daughter will be blessed with a lot of lectures throughout the day, depending on boy's interest: Prabandham, Uthsavam, Politics, Cricket, Actor Vijay, Ragams in Ilayaraja music etc.

Professionally qualified - the common species, typically CA/ CWA/ CS, Doctor, Lawyer. The sub-sect of IT/ ITES will have specific mentions like on-site requirement, visa type etc.

IT Field - earns more. On-site opportunities. Be prepared for 6 months' stay in US every year in the future.

Pious - Does Perumaalukku everyday. Can recite Sahasranamam and most of Nithyanusandhanam. Wears daily: Srichurnam only (Level 1 blunder - uthamam), Srichurnam  and Thiruman (Level 2 blunder - maththimam), 12 thiruman with panchakachcham (Level 3 blunder - athamam).

Socially active - indicates one or more of dhum/ thanni/ ooru-suththal/ partying and all those which earns brownie points worse than those mentioned by Garuda Puranam. Never should be interpreted as an indicator of time spent in FB or Twitter.


Related to Brides:

Fair - Not white. Anyone who is lesser than white is always described as Fair. It is so redundant that most of the times, it is omitted if that be the case.

Graduate - Somehow managed to complete a B. Sc. This itself is a big deal for us.

Homely - Knows to drape a 6 yard saree. Will not wear sleeveless when elders or controversial characters are in the vicinity. Knows to prepare Vaazhakkai, More Kozhambu and Paruppu Usili on festival days.

Good looking - Wears a pottu all day without compromise.

Interest in music - Positive aspect. Boy will be required to at the least differentiate Arabhi and Kambodhi.

Pious - Knows to somehow manage nithyapadi. Can light lamps, oothuvathi or dasaangam, can draw kolam without referring to mobile app, can recite Thiruppaavai and in some rare cases, smaller slokams like Hanuman Chalisa.

Common:

Kalai no bar - We have exhausted all our offline internal options of Vadakalai preferred (or Thenkalai preferred as the case may be). No eligible candidate even at 100 km radius of the genealogy tree in our radar within the same sub-sect. First level of dilution.

Graduate - Only B. Com. Not even M. Com.

Decent family - No controversies, flat owned is without any encumbrances, nobody in the next three concentric circles of relatives is in politics (or worse, media), no controversial love matter issues in the immediate relatives', will not dance in public or in birthday parties, aware of who is our Acharyan etc.

Decently employed - refer term above. No related employment.

Well placed - In a senior management position. Also settled abroad with resident visa.

Believes in values at the same time with modern outlook - situational leadership expected (most of current Tambrahms have already perfected this art). Wear veshti, shirt, saree with srichurnam and pottu while going to vaidheeha function or kovil but wear T Shirt Jeans to 'social' parties.

Broad minded - Candidate may possess some or many un-Tambrahm characteristics. You observe and take your call. Mamanar candidate wears a drawer, Mamiyar candidate wears chudidhar.

Settled - Permanent job. Cannot be chucked out by employer so easily/ Cannot go out of business so easily (for lawyers/ doctors type)

Adequately qualified - the most tricky term in this world, read all other words carefully in the matrimonial ad, infer what is required as the 'adequate' qualification to match the expectations.